Article By Feola McCandlish
When I had my eldest daughter I was working for a marketing agency in London. The commute and the days were long. It was the sort of job where, if I’d chosen to go back to it, I would have had to work as though I didn’t have a baby in order to be successful. There were no women working part-time in our office.
I loved my job and I knew I wanted to work, but I also knew I couldn’t be away from my daughter for 5 days of the week. For me personally, this wasn’t an option. So I left my job in the hope I’d find something else locally that I could do part-time or as a job share.
I looked but there was nothing suitable; and as the end of my maternity leave approached, I began to feel more and more lost. I had no idea what I was going to do next.
Luckily for me I found Daisy First Aid – I completely retrained after having children and I am fortunate enough to have found something I love that feels like it was always meant to be. I can pick my kids up from school and I can work my own hours and I have a job that doesn’t feel like work because I love it so much! Plus there is the added bonus that what I’m teaching could save a child’s life!
But I think I’m one of the lucky ones. What happens if you don’t find something you love, or you go back to your job and you feel like you won’t be perceived as being as capable as you were before you had children? What then?
When you have children your whole identity can change. And so too can your priorities. One of the positives of the pandemic is that companies like my previous agency will have been forced to support remote working and as a result of this, they will hopefully be able to continue to offer flexible working to parents. But we still have a way to go with helping women back into the work force and being seen as the valuable assets they are with all their previous skills plus the MANY additional skills they have gained by becoming a mum.
I caught up with Jess Rosevear, a local life coach who specialises in helping women return to the workforce after having a baby.
What advice would you give to someone who is feeling overwhelmed at the thought of returning to work?
The problem with being a new parent, especially during a pandemic, is that we have a lot of time with just our own voices for company, which tends to amplify all the fears and anxieties about things such as the return to work. My first bit of advice would be to talk about it. Talk to a friend, your partner or a coach. Getting it out of your head takes a lot of the weight out of it.
I would also get clear on what exactly is causing the feeling of overwhelm. Is it the fear of failure as a parent/employee? Is it the prospect of the juggle? Is it the fear of leaving your child with someone else? It is much easier to tackle it if you know exactly which thoughts are causing the feelings. I would then advise thinking what the first small step you could take to help you this week is. For example if it’s fear of failure in the workplace, maybe write down all your strengths, or if that feels too hard, get someone that you’re close to tell you all the strengths they see in you.
What can you do to get the balance right when returning to work?
What do you really want? What does a good balance look like to you? For some, it’s having whole days with their kids, for others, it’s being able to work shorter days, or being allowed to work from home/log on later. How do these options feel in relation to your job? Once you’ve decided what a good balance looks like, it would be worth having conversations with your existing employer to see if the options are viable. One benefit of the pandemic is that flexibility is something that all companies have been forced to offer. It’s much more about an outcome focus than a “bums on seats” mentality in a lot of companies (not all, of course).
What advice would you give someone who doesn’t want to go back to the office full time or where it’s not financially viable for them to return to their job when you take into account childcare, travel etc.?
I would advise thinking about what exactly IS financially viable? How much do you need to earn? Get really clear on your basic requirements. I would then suggest having some fun with it to begin with to try to reframe something that’s feeling negative to something that could be beneficial for you in the long term. What do you really want? What are you passionate about? We still have our whole lives ahead of us, so what would you love to be/do? It’s a nice feeling reconnecting with who you are when you strip away mother, wife, employee etc.. A good place to start is deciphering your top values. Once you know these, it makes you realise why you’ve not been happy or why you’ve been feeling low. I have whittled my values down to 8 main ones that I live by. Some are met through my work, others through my personal life.
There are also more and more flexible working, part-time working and job share recruitment agencies popping up, which is great for parents that can’t work full time. These agencies have already made connections with businesses that employ more flexibly, taking the hard work out of it.
How would you advise someone worried about navigating societal pressures?
No two people are the same, and I urge you, whatever you choose to do, to not compare yourself with your parent peers. You’re all on your own journeys, and you all have different priorities, needs and wants for you and your families. The mother that goes back to work full time feels guilty for not spending time with her kids, the mother who stays at home feels like she’s a failure for not being employed anymore, the one who works part-time and looks after children part-time feels guilty for not doing either to their full potential. We are all trying our best. Give yourselves some slack.
How do you help return to work mothers?
I empower women to rebalance, readjust and to feel in control of their work and personal life again.
All my 121 sessions are bespoke. I tend to start by helping them work out who they are, and what motivates them. As you said, our identity and priorities change as a parent, so it’s important to really understand how these changes could impact our choices moving forward.
I help with any challenges someone may be having around confidence, imposter syndrome, overwhelm, just a general feeling of being stuck with no idea of how to move forward, even though the desire to move forward is there.
I am also putting together a group coaching programme for return-to-work mothers – a bit like NCT but support for the other end of maternity leave.
If you’d like to find out more about how to work with Jess check her out on Instagram @jessrosevear_coach/
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About Feola McCandlish
Feola is a mum of 2 and runs Daisy First Aid Guildford, Reigate, Horsham and Mid Sussex. You can contact Feola for information or to book a private class via email, or book a public venue class on her webpage: www.daisyfirstaid.com/guildford